Feel like a Monster
by Kadge Rose-Feather
Summary: Super duper AU X-Factor story about Jamie being left as a demon. Hopefully will include other X-Men members later on.


**_"There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them."_** **\- Andre Gide**

* * *

Jamie opened his eyes to the dingy lighting of... His old basement in the barn? After he'd lived down there long after his parents were killed by Tryp, he'd recognise it in a heartbeat. And he did.

What wasn't so familiar, however, were the tight metal cuffs around his ankles and the blinking collar around his throat. On skin that was... His hands were red?

The last thing he remembered was New York being on fire - demons, everywhere, and lords of hell battling to kill Rahne's son and then someone was towering over him and then...

Then he was drawing a complete blank.

He started trying to pull at the metal restraint around his neck, but with no luck. Attempting to rid himself of the shackles on his ankles proved just as unsuccessful.

He settled on the floor with his head in his heads, and nearly had a heart attack when instead of hair, his fingers were met with the tough surface of two sets of horns! He explored further to see that there were the curved monstrosities protruding from his back as well. It felt wrong.

Jesus christ, what had been done to him? He tried to call out, tried to push back desperately against the rising panic in his chest, but no human sounds escaped his mouth.

Where was Layla? His crew? Were they okay? What the fuck had happened to them all?

He banged his fist on the floor hard enough to make a dupe.

Except nothing happened.

He tried again, and again, and again, and still nothing. Maybe that was what the collar was for? Some sort of mutant power neutraliser.

There was a shuffling sound from inside the barn and when the hatch door was suddenly opened, Jamie couldn't help but jump for the exit, being brought down carelessly flat on his face as the chain yanked him back mid-air.

It didn't look good, he realised as he quickly tried to move back in a position that was somewhat civilised. Though, he supposed, how civil could he appear when he was looking like this?

"I brought you a sandwhich."

That was Layla's voice!

"I dropped it, but I figured that didn't matter so much since you're... Well, you know."

Jamie's heart dropped. She didn't sound like she'd come to save him at all, in fact she just sounded tired, as if he had been like this for a long time. Maybe she was even the one who had put him here.

She placed the plate down on the floor and slid it to him cautiously, crossing her arms and avoiding his eyes when he so desperately needed her to look at him. Whatever had been done to him, whatever he'd become, he was himself again now.

He needed her to look at him and see that he was still human; that he was still Jamie.

But she seemed to refuse to, as if the sight of him upset her.

He tried to speak, to tell her what he was thinking, but all that came was a low growling noise from his throat that did not do anything to ease her upset at all.

She started to move towards the ladder leading back into the barn and he became frantic, but that only seemed to make her move faster. He relented, a sinking depression making its way into his chest, and heard the soft sobbing coming from his wife as she left.

After eating, he spent most of the night curled up wallowing in sadness, but as the sun came up (not that it made that much of a difference to the dingy darkness of the basement, but he could still tell) his resolve hardened to escape. He needed to get out of here and prove to his wife that he was okay.

Well, relatively okay.

And then they could work on a way to get him back to normal together.

Yeah, just got to figure out how to do that without a voice, that's all.

* * *

The latches on the shackles took some hours to get off, but he managed it. Trying to pry open the door to get up inside the barn was another matter altogether.

He eventually gave up, exhuasted, waiting for Layla to come back. He didn't know how much time had passed when she finally did, but it felt like a lifetime to him.

He waited where the shakles were, hiding his feet from her view. Jamie was determined to make her understand him somehow. He just didn't know how he was going to do that yet.

When she descended the old ladder, plate in hand, he noticed she was wearing the glove she'd gotten from Dr. Doom and swallowed a little against the nervousness building in his throat. She was afraid of him, she thought he was a monster, and he had no idea how long he'd been like this but... Well, not him.

As soon as she was looking at him, he pulled his hand up to wave at her carefully. Her brow crinkled slightly as if she wasn't expecting this, but was hesitant about it all the same.

"... Jamie?"

It felt like a dam was breaking inside of him and he nodded vigorously, standing up to reveal that he'd broken the shackles off his feet.

Tears were rising in Layla's eyes, and she dropped the plate on the floor to run up to him, putting her arms around his neck.

"Oh god, I missed you so much. I thought you were gone forever, I didn't think you were ever coming back!"

His arms came around to cup the small of her back and his eyes were reminded once again of just how grotesque he currently was. He wanted to ask her about everything that had happened, but she pulled away and he realized in his current condition he wouldn't have the chance.

"Jamie... Why aren't you saying anything?"

Her eyes had glossed over again, which was exactly what he didn't want. He pointed to his throat and then shook his head fiercely to try and communicate that his voice wouldn't work. She seemed to get the picture, but still looked wary.

He took her hand in his and gave it what he hoped was a reassuring squeeze.

There was the noise of cars pulling up above on the farm and Layla's breath hitched in her throat.

"Oh my god, Jamie, they're here."

He was scared, he had no idea what was going on and she was pulling away from him.

"Stay here and don't make a noise, okay?"

She looked at his throat for a split second as if processing what she'd just said, but then in a rush she was gone and she'd closed the hatch behind her and Jamie was left alone. Again. This time more terrified than the last, and just as unaware about what was actually going on. It was a tense couple minutes, and all he could hear was muffled arguing from above. He'd tried to open the hatch again, but it was as unsuccessful as last time.

He was worried about Layla.

Eventually, the hatch opened again, but this time it didn't reveal the beautiful frame of his wife, although he could hear her shrill screams in the background. She was screaming for them to leave him alone.

But of course they didn't.

The SWAT team had their guns raised at his head and his heart nearly stopped.

"Married to this thing? Yeah, sure, lady. You on something?"

The laughter of the men as they descended into the basement with a loud thud was disgusting. Jamie felt sick.

He put his hands up above his head, but this only seemed to make them laugh harder. He couldn't duplicate, and just because his skin was red, he was pretty sure he still couldn't survive a dozen bullets to the head.

Layla was still somewhere being restrained, she was still crying, begging, and pleading with the force, but they wouldn't listen.

Jamie didn't completely blame them, he was sure if he came across someone looking like himself currently, he would do a double-take too. But... He wasn't a monster, or a demon, or anything like that. He was just a mutant.

Somewhere inside him, a voice scoffed. Yeah, because that's so much better. And it wasn't exactly the truth now anyway, was it? The word "killcrop" drifted through his head, but he didn't latch onto it, as the barrels of the guns staring him in the face had more of his attention (and fear) than he cared to admit.

He tried to speak again - and again, what came out was only garbled and unintelligable.

The way they were looking at him, it was that look of pure hatred and unadulterated disgust that really got to him.

"God, where the fuck did'ya even find something like this?" It was but a mumble from one of the grunts, but it earned a harsh yell from above.

"That's enough now, boys! Bring it back up here so it can be contained!"

Jamie flinched as something sharp was poked into his back with a shock just to get him to move forwards, but he did so, and carefully. Not only was he scared for his life, but he was terrified for Layla.

At least - at least if they took him away, maybe she'd be left alone. Maybe she'd be safe. What use was he like this, at any rate?

He swallowed against the tightness in his throat as they herded him past his wife who was in hysterics. The words he heard her shrieking as he passed made his heart freeze in his chest. The dusty air from the farm felt like it was made out of ice, the suns rays shining straight through him as if he was a ghost.

"I'm pregnant, Jamie! I'm pregnant with your child!"

* * *

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